The Nail

"We interrupt our regularly scheduled nightly reading to bring you this important Blog Announcement..."

I've been thinking about this for a while, I think it's just time to call it what it is.

I am officially abandoning this blog. I've been failing spectacularly to do it for years now, I guess. I have no following to speak of, and I don't update it at all anymore, and it just feels like a stone dragging me down at this point... I'm not even sure blogs are a thing anymore. I feel like a relic from a by-gone era. I feel out of sync.

To tell you the complete truth, my few faithful followers still reading this, I no longer feel like an artist anymore.

I've tried to fight it and attempt to keep up, but I just can't. I can't keep lying to myself. I cannot find the time or energy to even draw a doodle, a sketch- nothing. This Inktober kind of really put things in perspective. I failed more than even I can believe.

So, thank you to my few followers. I am sorry if I let you down. While that is probably not accurate- the truth is, I let myself down. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. And how to use Twitter and Instagram, or what the hell a Tumblr is...haha

RIP Amanda Candler's Blog: Feb. 22, 2009 - Nov. 9, 2017

"We now return to our irregular sleep schedule."

Dark Night of the Soul

I'll try to keep this brief, without too much detail, but-

All that stuff about how a character has to go through the "dark night of the soul" in order to come out on top and have a true victory at the end of a film- it's complete crap when it's your actual LIFE! I've seen characters in so many stories and films that suffer these scenes, you know? Those Oscar-clip moments where they break down and sob and reaffirm their determination of seeing something through- of going for that dream.

It's all complete crap when it actually happens to you- because it doesn't last for only a scene. It doesn't last for only a few painful minutes with a killer score. And the crying is not a beautifully lit moment- it is UGLY. It is painful. It is the WORST!

And let me tell you- you don't ALWAYS end up wanting to reaffirm your desire to continue trying for that dream. Sometimes that dream beats you up so much that you actually start to think maybe you should give up. Maybe you won't make it. Maybe your whole pursuit of this dream was an utter waste. Maybe it was the single worst decision in your life. Maybe this whole dream thing has irrevocably destroyed the rest of your life...

But they don't make films about the people who give up, do they? I leave the answers to you.

Unlike Taylor Swift, I'm not dead...

Just busy.

But I just HAD to come and share the announcement! I have been published!

A local author who happens to be a friend of mine asked me to design the cover illustration for his new book- and it came out today! I am beyond honored and he has been very happy with the result. So much so that he had the original framed and hanging up in his apartment less than 24 hours fter he had it in his hot little hands! XD

Please help support the author and purchase the book. It is a great read and was a real page-turner for me!

Day 131 of 365

Wait... what day is it?

This isn't the only thing I have on the burner right now. Too many projects and not enough hours in the day!



Really looking forward to fixing these.

Day 125 of 365

"Apprised in time of the visit paid him, Monte Cristo had, from behind the blinds of his pavilion, as minutely observed the baron, by means of an excellent lorgnette, as Danglars himself had scrutinized the house, garden, and servants. "That fellow has a decidedly bad countenance," said the count in a tone of disgust, as he shut up his glass into its ivory case. "How comes it that all do not retreat in aversion at sight of that flat, receding, serpent-like forehead, round, vulture-shaped head, and sharp-hooked nose, like the beak of a buzzard?" - The Count of Monte Cristo



A work-in-progress.

Day 123 of 365

My second of four Celtic knots I have planned. Unfortunately, will be redoing BOTH the Oak and this Birch one because of errors. The Oak knot is wrong and this one, I hate the BG color. The yellow leaves were supposed to be vivid and bright, but I misjudged and made the BG too close. My own fault.... I love orange! Live and learn.... But think of it as a bonus for you guys. More art from me!



The next one will be so much better!

Day 115 of 365

Day 114 of 365

I finally got to meet my pots today! (Yes, I know the sentence reads funny, but as I see it- a pot is three separate identities.
1- greenware: in it's infancy. Which it may not survive in the kiln. It is still malleable.
2- bisque: it's adolescence. It has survived it's first firing. No more changes can be made to it's shape. Glazes applied.
3- glazed: it is now in it's final form. It survived the second firing. It is sometimes completely unrecognizable from it's first state.

Just my opinion.)

Anyway! They survived! and some unexpected- yet DELIGHTFUL- things occurred!

Day 109 of 365

Came home today determined to draw! DETERMINED! Despite a weird day at work.

So I sat down and just started doodling this. Totally inspired by a new sketchbook I saw at work by Mattias Adolfsson (Check his stuff out!!!) and by The Secret of Kells. ... OB-viously!



I did not allow myself to make it "perfect", as is my habit. OCD sucks but is also awesome on stuff like this. But after looking at Mattais' stuff, I wanted to just PUSH through. Tried not to nit-pick it.
Watercolor will be going on this. Perhaps tomorrow. Looking forward to trying to make the knot look like wood.

My baby's still got it!

I have tried to not post too much photography here because I want it to be hand-drawn art (with the exception of my animator portraits, of course!) but I have to post this!

This is a photo my camera- my 14 year old camera!- captured of my friend Jennifer's macaw, Captain Jack when we went out to see the mega-bloom of poppies two(?) weekends ago. Finally processed it last night.



I am VERY impressed with the sharpness on a camera this old! I am DELIGHTED that she is still a good camera. She's having a very hard time in low-light conditions, but it's just really nice to know that she can still capture hairs and feathers and everything!

Day 104 of 365

Puppy's are so hard! Why must they always MOVE?!



I should have made her look more like a burrito.... This dog reminds me of a burrito. With a tongue hanging out on end.

Day 90 of 365

Whoops- forgot to post this.

A study from La Belle et la Bête illustrated by David Sala. The moment I saw this book, I had to buy it- fresh off a pallet imported from France. And I don't read French!



This is how I prefer my beast- if not drawn by Glen Keane. Thankyouverymuch.

Day 77 of 365

Tonight's Game: GUESS THAT FLOWER! (And no color to help! haha)

Day 70 of 365

Hands are hard, yo!

Day 69 of 365

Different day, different hand- same project. Today was rough.

Day 68 of 365

I wish I didn't have such a thing about not revealing things that I have not been authorized to... It makes me keep secrets really well, and then I feel like such a TEASE!



Until I get authorization to show what I am working on, this is all you guys get. Sorry!

Day 67 of 365 (Art post!)

Okay, still working. Just had to get the "political" stuff out of the way first.



Yup- I am back to drawin' hands... HAHAHA!

Day 67 of 365 (Non-art post)

Okay, so I have been debating whether or not to say anything about this almost all week, and I have finally decided that I want to talk about it.

Today was International Women's Day, commemorating women's rights all over the globe. It was ALSO the day that women were supposed to wear red, not go to work, not buy anything and such to prove how much the world needs us. To show the impact that women have on this planet. And {SPOILER ALERT}- I didn't do any of these things. Well... except not buy anything... But there's a solid reason for that.

I am poor.

Yes, chastise me. I am a bad feminist. I failed at being a woman- whatever you want to say. But I agree with several articles I have read stating that this particular demonstration was a product of the privileged protestors. The people who can AFFORD to take a day off work. Well, I have been technically out of work for MONTHS! And I frickin' hate it! I WANT TO WORK! But that isn't the reason I was not out in LA somewhere wearing a pink hat (well- this is mainly because I frigging hate pink) or standing somewhere screaming about how life isn't fair.

The reason that I did NOT not go to work today was because today was my First Day at my new job. The job that I needed to keep me here in my beautiful California. The job that might enable me to FINALLY stop couchsurfing and living off of friends' charity and benevolence. The job I and other dear friends prayed for. And I am not ashamed of this.

Nor am I ashamed of the fact that I will be doing MORE work after I finish this post. Because I found myself a position working on an exciting 2D animated project as an inbetweener! The thing I want to do more than anything at the moment. *points up* See that image at the top of my site? THAT'S who I want to be. THAT'S what I want to do. THAT'S what makes me happy. And if I have to break every rule to do it, I will.

I hope a few of you will join me. (I'll bring cookies.)

Day 60 of 365

Finished the last little bit of glazing on the Greek pot today- a touch of white for the stars and all things "magical". Can't wait to see it fired- I am on pins and needles until then!

Day 55 of 365

Well, not 100% finished, but I put on all the Greek motifs last night, so here is the pot! Can't believe it. Can't tell if I'm more excited or scared to see how it will fire... Will keep everyone updated.

Day 53 of 365

And here is the transfer of one part of the design on the pot in graphite. SOOO EXCITED!

Day 52 of 365

The Greek pot design! FINAL! & REVEAL!

Day 49 of 365

Finished the super secret (and LONG!- both physically and timely) project today! Now for the next phase!!!! EEEEEEE!!!!!!! You guys, I am so excited!!!!!!

Day 48 of 365

More work on the secret thing. SUPER STOKED ABOUT IT!!!!!

Day 46 of 365

Working on a secret thing. Super excited about it. Was finally able to get back to it last night/very early this morning.



Yes. I am stoked about this.

Day 45? of 365

Okay, been ... UNbusy, if we are being truthful... But things have also been really bad for me lately.

Made up this little comic to sum up how I've been feeling with all the rain lately (which usually, I love rain more than anything), but this particular rain has made me very sad.

Day 32 of 365

Damn- patent leather is hard! hahaha! Not sure why I decided to do this! Will do different something on next one.

Day 31 of 365

Okay! Who likes Girls with Guns?! *sings* -on LSD! Cell-infection, Mass-destruction, Program for the final function, Lab-rat king, rescue team-- sorry... got carried away...



Piece in progress. Gonna ink this. Drew it last year sometime at John Mahoney's drawing day at CSG. Want to try to make it look like one of his pieces. May do two versions even. Having fun!

Day 30 of 365

So today I actually drew a bunch of little stuff, but I can't show anyone. hahahaha I want it to be a surprise. So, instead all you get is a teaser! YAY!

Day 29 of 365

Stuck at Walmart today, getting an oil change. Found a prompter for drawing to kill the time. Got "The Grim Reaper". I realize this isn't much of a stretch of the idea, but hey! One day at a time.


I like this.

Day 27 of 365

See? Proof I still animate!

Ruth_penciltest from Amanda Candler on Vimeo.

There is no other way to say it- This sucks.

I have been fretting about how to write this for the past couple of days, not sure if I even wanted to broadcast it. Part of me just wants to slip away and not make a big deal about it, but as this is one of the difficult decisions I have had to make in years, I won't shy away from it.

Unless a job offer and an actual place to live begins to emerge in the next month, I will be moving back to Texas after February. I have been here in California for six years and 4 months. I have been couch/apt/floor-surfing/living in my car for the past 2 years and 8 months. I have had numerous little jobs and some of the most significant projects of my life in the interim, but I have also stayed with more friends that I can count- living on their floors or on their couches for anywhere from a couple of days to nearly 6 months at a time. I can never thank these people enough, but I am also running out of friends to ask. That, combined with the stress of not having a place to call my own, has brought me to the very unenviable position of having to consider going back to Texas. And believe me when I say, it is the very last thing in the world that I want. I love my family and friends there, but California is my home. I love it here more than I can possible say.

While I do not believe that Texas will be much better, the cost of living may enable me to survive while I still try to break into this frustrating but beloved industry of Animation. (It really is like being in an abusive relationship or something.... It beats me down to nothing and yet still, it is all I want.) I will have to find a place to live there as well, and somehow get myself there. No clue how that can be accomplished. Trying not to think about that just yet. Just trying to apply to absolutely everything I can until then and make sure I have a place to sleep.

Why am I telling all of you this? Because it is part of this crazy dream that started back in Texas, hell, maybe even in Baton Rouge... My blog is called "Making Dreams Come True" and like any really good story, I think I may be in the part generally referred to as "Dark Night of the Soul". (Thanks, Robert McKee.... *eye roll*) I have to hit bottom before the hero of the story can rise up and get their deepest desire/goal. I just wish mine didn't involve having to leave California. I would almost rather be actually LIVING in my car like a homeless person rather than leave. It was SO HARD to get out the first time. It took me YEARS of scrapping money together and taking jobs that I hated to get more money to buy that one-way plane ticket. Going back to that will hurt more than I can even handle right now.

At least here, I thought I was moving in the right direction. I completed an animation test recently for a small independent studio position as an inbetweener, and was even offered the job before I was informed that it was an unpaid internship. That hurt pretty deeply. I thought I was so close.

SO! Though I am a bit of a broken woman right now, I will continue to draw, I will continue to animate. Hell, maybe I will even finally make that crowd-funding video to try to finish my third and fourth year films. I am not giving up... just giving in. And secretly hoping that in less than a month I will be able to look back on this post and think, "Damn! So glad I dodged THAT bullet!" (The sign of an eternal optimist, yes?) I don't tell you all all of this for sympathy. I don't want sympathy. Hell, if anything- send me job openings to apply for, not condolences.

Wish me luck. Here's hoping.

Day 24 of 365

And of course fox anatomy turns into PUPPY anatomy! haha! Got to draw my friend's dog while he followed her around as she was cooking. His feet are so complex! And bendy!

Day 23 of 365

Finished the animation test last night. Very proud with how far it had come. Sent it off to the job posting, they emailed me back almost immediately. They offered me a position to help animate their trailer. I was elated. They also sent me an agreement to sign. Unfortunately, the agreement specified something that had not been made clear in the job posting. It was an unpaid internship only. I had to bow out of the project as I am not able to work for free- and I don't think anyone should have to do something like that for nothing. If your financial situation is as such that you can gamble on an unpaid position, then I am very glad for you, but the reality is: there are bills to pay. And animation is not free. I love this art form too much and respect myself too much to cheat myself. I wished them well and, Lord knows, if they came back and offered compensation as their original posting mentioned, I would GLADLY work on it. Otherwise- I am on to the next thing.

Today was FOX ANATOMY! Then that turned into a quick rough of what a fox jump might look like. Had way to much fun with this. Expect more later. <3 Love you all!



By the by- I highly recommend watching jumping fox videos! They are a DELIGHT!

Day 21 of 365

Hands, hands- everywhere! So many hands, they're getting in my hair!

Day 17 of 365

Though I have not been updating, I have been drawing. Well... animating. Isn't that very much like being the same thing? Only... more of it... and harder?

Do you know how hard it is to make cute little Disney-esque girls still cute when they are making goofy faces?! It's HARD!

Day 12 of 365

Been animating a test. It's short- but I am at least drawing every day.

Day 9 of 365

Today is one year, at - actually right about this time- I got a phone call from my dad. He led up to what he was going to say in such a way that I went outside.

Nana had died.

Normally, I am not one to harp on people who have passed away. I don't understand why people tattoo loved ones with their date of death on their bodies, make memorial stickers and put them on their vehicles, or make a t-shirt with the loved one's death information on it. That kind of grieving or coping just makes no sense to me. Tattoos of things that remind you of your loved ones, I get. I've painted cardinals on Christmas cards in memory of my Pawpaw. I've bought polar bear Christmas cards for my Grandpa Pete. I've loved prisms and talked to passing milkweed seeds for my Grandma Lee. It is through my own memory though, that I remember the day they passed away. Every holiday from Thanksgiving to, formerly Christmas, now my birthday has been touched by the loss of some of my most loved family. Day after Thanksgiving, I lost Pawpaw. Two days before Christmas, I lost Grandma Lee. Five days before my birthday, I lost Nana. I hate the holidays for this reason. But I miss them so much.

So I guess the fact that I spent today animating is now in honor of them. Hug a loved one today.

Day 8 of 365

Did a silly one today at Five Guys at dinner. Prompt was a 50's gas station. No references. haha

Day 7 of 365

I got to meet a 5' wide chicken today! Err... something like that. I got to meet Captain Jack. Wait, no- not that Captain Jack.

A rainbow-y birdy! He actually stood on my arm! It was SO COOL!



Next time I see him- it's gonna be WATERCOLORS!

Day 6 of 365

Whoever thinks this stuff is easy is out of their mind! It's like learning a whole new language!

Special kanji? pen from Japan my friend got for me. Practicing strokes. Man! What a humbling experience. haha!