Sunday, May 11, 2014

Illusion of Time.

I went through this blog a while back and looked at some of my old posts and remembered that, for a time, I was titling them all something to do with "Illusion of..." as a homage to the blog's quote up there at the top. Seeing as how this will probably be my last post as a student at CalArts, I feel the need to go back to that...

On Wednesday night, I had my last ever class as a Character Animation student at California Institute of the Arts. It was my Film Workshop class with Chris Sonnenburg. It was one of the strangest classes I ever had. Mostly because it didn't FEEL like the last. I felt like we would be meeting again in a week, nothing would change. It STILL sort of feels that way. We watched some cool videos and in the middle of all this, I suddenly had this amazing feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I had absolutely not a single doubt in my mind that CalArts was the place I was destined to go and that animation was the field I was meant for. Now- that sentence coming out of MY mouth is a crazy feeling. As a child, not knowing what kind of artist she wanted to be- except, I knew for CERTAIN that I did not want to be a painter, starving on the streets of Paris (Like Jerry in An American in Paris... *sigh*)- I could never give anyone an answer! I DIDN'T KNOW! If I had known when I was a child, sitting on the couch every morning, watching cartoons until the certain show came on (was it Scooby Doo? the Smurfs?) when I knew I couldn't watch anymore or I would be late to school, if I had known that PEOPLE made those cartoons and that they were drawn and not magically just POOFED by Tinkerbell's WAND or some freaking thing... Maybe I would have been able to answer that question quicker.

Yeah... maybe I was a stupid child... Who sat too close to the TV... Whatever! Doesn't matter!

No one ever told me that animation was made that way. Granted... If I had known THEN that it took as many drawings as it does for a one second thing... I may have told you that you were CRAZY and gone back to climbing my tree or something. (Yes, I had my very own tree. Gumball tree, anyone?) OR- alternately... I may have been MORE intrigued and gone on to try going through them frame-by-frame like my classmates. Sadly however, not knowing that that was how they worked, if you HAD told me I could do that, I may have looked at you like you were crazy again. All I knew was that the TV was a magical box.

Why am I rambling about this?!
Oh yeah... because I am feeling a lost of nostalgia and mourning the end coming in less than a week. In about 6 days, I will walk across that stage and accept an empty envelope, while my friends, some of my family, and all of my peers look on. It is just the strangest feeling that it is all over. It doesn't FEEL like it should be over! How could four years have gone by so fast?! Where did that time go?

I am dealing with a lot of questions going through my head about these four years- Did I get everything out of CalArts that I wanted? Was it all worth it? Will I be able to make it out there once I leave? What will I do now?* They are all a part of this next phase I am moving into and while that frightens me- as I guess all big changes should?- I cannot help but feeling unbelievably EXCITED about it too! The change in these four years has been A-MA-ZING!

*- for the record, the answers are: Not really, YES!, I don't know, and no clue!

On an entirely different note- I am sad to announce that Joker is dead... He was killed in a freak melting Chavant accident... He will be dearly missed...

Okay, okay- I'm kidding! HAHA! I was rolling out sheets of Chavant for his clothes and I couldn't help myself!

He is coming along now. Not a whole lot more actual sculpting left to do- just details really. Then refining and PAINTING!

God, I cannot WAIT to put the two of them together! I am so freaking excited!!!! Sadly, it probably will not happen until after I graduate...


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