Illusion of Surviving

Okay, so tonight I crawled into bed at about 6:30 PM since I only got about three hours of sleep last night working on a project that honestly couldn't seem to wait. And I think there is an underlying thing going on there, but moving on. My whole body ached from work and all I wanted was to crash.

As I lay in bed, listening to my iTunes, I suddenly started imagining my car ride and eventual goodbyes I will have to give my family in just over two months.... and I started to cry. As much as I am looking towards to September and CalArts and all my hopeful new friends, I am going to get three hugs before I leave- and they might be harder than I ever imagined. *is tearing up now just thinking about it*

Over two years ago, I wrote in "diary" entries and on Post-It notes that I was willing to give up my family, my friends, my car, my "comfortable" situation here in a state I hate, my cats, my money (for the REST OF MY NATURAL LIFE!!!), and everything else for this dream and this chance. But laying here in bed, that first thing is suddenly seeming easier said than done... How am I going to manage so far away from them? I don't even KNOW the next time I will be able to see them! It may be months or even a year.

.... I hope some of my new friends at CalArts are big huggers- because I am sensing I am going to need them very much for a while... Also, I hope they don't mind a few tears on their shoulders... Because while I don't think that there will be very many after a while, I am thinking I may not be able to see my gate number when I leave Houston.