Sunday, August 11, 2013

Neither Here Nor There...

I feel homeless.

Up until this afternoon, I had TWO "homes", but neither was a solid place. Today I moved out of my month-long room in the dorms and back into my Ahmanson suite where I've been most of the summer. I know I am supposed to feel relieved or something to be back here, but I don't. I'll only be here for maybe another 3 weeks? then I will be sent to move into my final dorm room at CalArts. I'm a little weirded out by that.

I purposefully didn't get too comfortable in the dorms for CSSSA- take only what you need for a month. I took even less than that. I took enough for a day or two. Every day I would walk over to Ahmanson and get anything else I needed. It saved me from needing more than one cart to move today. I did it in one big load. DONE!

But now that I am trying to adjust back to my Ahmanson suite (it's been a shell for the past month), it just feels odd. I mean... All my stuff is here... Shouldn't this be "home"? What is home? Where is mine?

I feel adrift. I feel like I have no direction. No anchor. Funny how a place can make you feel that way.

I miss working on my film.

1 comment:

  1. Had the same experience while in my last college, and it hasn't really stopped. I moved around a lot for a while, and at this point all the living arrangements have kind of blurred in my mind. Eventually, even the places I settled in felt transitory since I was just used to feeling that way. I haven't minded so much, I'm still on the long road to finding myself, so it makes sense that I not put down roots. Doesn't make it any less weird, but I've kind of gotten used to it with time.