How can this be?

I find it funny... I've been INSANELY busy lately. School is about to start- my fourth year. (Yeah, don't say it out loud... I am ready to scream at any second just thinking about it!) As a RA, we've been in training for the last 2 weeks, along with moving and everything else. This week is check-in in the dorms.

I'm just not ready! It's all happening so fast! And yet...

I wouldn't mind graduating in a month. I kind of want to leave CalArts. I want to work. I want to NOT have three things I need to do every day. School, work, homework. School, work, homework! Cycle, rinse, repeat- every day!

So I find it really really odd that the ONE thing I look forward to every day and think about every day, and wish I could do every day, and MISS when I don't get to do it is ANIMATE! It's all I want to do now. I find such a strange sense of zen when I work. Especially when you hit that unbelievably productive kick! (You know, the one that even Candy Crush Saga can't even drag you away from?)

I love it so much now. Hard to believe that three years ago I'd never even animated a ball bounce, and today I am animating an old guy climbing a ladder. I started sometime this afternoon and suddenly find myself sitting here at 2:30 in the morning- and I DON'T FEEL IT! I was doing so well and just moving through it so much that I don't even feel tired. I feel like I could animate until the sun comes up. I feel like it gives me energy now- whereas it used to drain me. I still don't know if it's what I want to do for the foreseeable future, but right now- I absolutely love animating. I don't miss the things I am missing out on with people on the outside- hell, I hardly miss the people!, I don't worry about what anyone thinks of me (this is actually something I wish I never felt, but I digress...), and I don't care about anything but: "Will it look right?", "Does it work?", "Will it convey everything I want?".

I had a discussion with a girlfriend of mine about animation and we remembered my freshman year and the entire class sitting in absolute stunned silence as we all watched our first assignment (the aforementioned ball bounce) play on the projector. (That was such a long, long time ago.) But we both admitted that every time we animate, we are secretly searching for that feeling we had on watching a successful assignment: that feeling of satisfaction and awe. That feeling that WE made that happen! ~WE~ made that pencil line COME TO LIFE! WE control the art monkeys and make them dance- what?

Is there seriously anything better in this world than seeing something you've made be everything you wanted it to be? I can't think of anything that gives me this thrill anymore. All the crap I used to do to fill my time is just that- crap. I don't care about it, or ~think~ about it the way I think about animating. (Okay, maybe I miss knitting every now and then... But honestly, that's very similar to animating. You're making something, and you ~think~ you know what it will look like when finished. Sometimes you fuck it up and you have to go back and fix it. Very frequently it doesn't live up to your expectations. And very rarely, you think you know how it's going to look, and you are amazed with some crazy happenstance that makes it better than you ever dreamed...)

Also- it takes a fucking long time! Just like animation.

Sometimes I wish I could just quit everything and do nothing else but animate... Then I remember I have bills to pay.

I truly wish I were better at this blog thing....

So I throw you a bone: Here's some animation I have been working on for a day or two. It's so rough here and I am actually finishing it now. Into the film it goes!

Kyros rough walk from Amanda Candler on Vimeo.

Thanks for continuing to watch me you guys.

Neither Here Nor There...

I feel homeless.

Up until this afternoon, I had TWO "homes", but neither was a solid place. Today I moved out of my month-long room in the dorms and back into my Ahmanson suite where I've been most of the summer. I know I am supposed to feel relieved or something to be back here, but I don't. I'll only be here for maybe another 3 weeks? then I will be sent to move into my final dorm room at CalArts. I'm a little weirded out by that.

I purposefully didn't get too comfortable in the dorms for CSSSA- take only what you need for a month. I took even less than that. I took enough for a day or two. Every day I would walk over to Ahmanson and get anything else I needed. It saved me from needing more than one cart to move today. I did it in one big load. DONE!

But now that I am trying to adjust back to my Ahmanson suite (it's been a shell for the past month), it just feels odd. I mean... All my stuff is here... Shouldn't this be "home"? What is home? Where is mine?

I feel adrift. I feel like I have no direction. No anchor. Funny how a place can make you feel that way.

I miss working on my film.

"Am I Amanda? Uhhh...." *hides*

So today, I actually met one of the followers of this blog. Well, one of the followers who isn't my mom... XD

Sadly, I did not get her name. I will try to later. After I recover from the rush of blood that hit my face when she asked. I sometimes forget that a picture of my face is on this blog.
Or that people might actually READ this blog.
Or that I HAVE this blog...

No offense, but- ya know... I forget things.

Actually, it was really sweet of her. I feel terrible now for not being like, "Oh yes! And your name is?-" I mean- really? I HID behind my friend! I didn't know what to do! HAHA!
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Today was the first day of CSSSA 2013 (California State Summer School of the Arts), which I work as an RA. Now, I am suddenly surrounded by 500+ high school students who are all so freaking excited to be at an arts summer school/camp that they don't know what to do with themselves. Also, their enthusiasm is freaking CONTAGIOUS! RA's that were previously a smidge jaded and quiet are suddenly off tha hook with their excitement. It's honestly one of the most amazing things to witness as an artist. It makes me wonder what I would have been like had I had the opportunity to come here in high school.

I am seriously looking forward to the next month! Let's see what happens!

KYROS- model sheet

Finally did one of these. Should do more. LOTS more!

New watercolor painting!

I wanted to show this off a bit, so I am posting it here only. (I am so sorry for the ugly watermark, but it had to be done.) This was made for a very special person, for a very special purpose. It is for them only.



I mail it off this week! EEEE!!!

Also, cool note: I have officially passed 20,000 views on my blog! Wow. Thanks guys!

Small update

So I posted a little something for you guys. Sorry I never update. Been killer-busy.

Kyros- demand from Amanda Candler on Vimeo.