Self-Revelation

I discovered something today.

I sat down to eat my lunch (it being Spring Break here at school- the Caf is closed, so all must fend for themselves) and decided to put on a movie. Now, I had only intended to watch the first bit of it- you know, just long enough to eat my lunch- then get to work! I won't tell you which movie because I am ashamed that I love this movie as much as I do. And no, it wasn't Star Wars.

I am now listening to the closing credits. Yup, I watched the whole thing. I laughed out loud, I recited the words with the actors, sang along with the songs, and cried at the end. I do this with more movies than I care to admit to. (Recite them, not the crying part- although I do that too...) My sister can recite a few of them with me. We love to quote movies at each other. For a while, every text we would send each other would be a random movie quote. Whoever guessed the most, "won". My mom and I used to play the movie game. It started when we would see an actor/actress that we knew and we would have to name off all the other movies we knew that they had been in. I still do this, even though my mom is far away. When I see an actor in a movie, I immediately scan through my movie knowledge to see how many other movies I know them from. A good challenge for me is when I KNOW their face, but can't remember where I know them from! I rack my brain to try to figure it out before I am forced to give in and bring up IMDB.com on my phone or laptop.

I recently wrote up a favorites list for a res life activity in the dorms. I listed books, music, and movies. Three of my favorite things. But when I got to the movies list, I found myself wanting to list so many movies! Depending on the mood I am in, what era I am currently craving, etc. I love so many movies for so many different reasons! Sci-fi, fantasy, rom coms, dramas, action, adventure, comedies, musicals, war, mystery, historical, even a little horror... Then it hit me.

I am a film lover.

I think I have known this all along, but to have it so suddenly just dawn on me feels so strange and so comforting at the same time. There are films I hate- I won't deny that, but even so, I can try to find things in them that I do like. Maybe the production design (Anna Karenina), or one specific character (Obi-Wan in Star Wars 1-3), or the world that it exists in (Skyfall?). But then there are so many movies that I love- even the REALLY bad ones! The campy ones, the tragically funny-even-though-they-didn't-mean-to-be ones.

I truly love almost nothing more than sitting in a dark theater, allowing myself to enter a new world, or sometimes even an old and familiar one (sequels). I love the uncertainty- "What's going to happen to them?", "Who gets the bad guy?", "Are they ever going to be together?". And then I watch the same movies over and over and over again. I already KNOW the answers, but I enjoy the trip they take to get there so much, I am willing to go along for the ride again.

The list of movies I need to watch is so long right now, I don't know how I will ever finish it. And in a way- I never will. Because every week, another film is released. Usually more than one. Every week, my list gets a little longer. And sometimes I discover a movie by a certain director (Hitchcock), or with a certain actor/actress (Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, the Hepburns, Lawrence Olivier, the list goes on!), or about a certain topic (English royalty) and then I am forced to go find all the other movies that they directed, starred in, made about that. Then the list can grow by 5 or more films in less than a day. People are constantly recommending films to me, and I always add them to the list. My favorite people are the people who recommend the good stuff. Then we have something to talk about.

If I were to be completely honest, I never WANT to finish my list. If I ever did, I don't know what I would do with the rest of my life. I imagine it would be like reaching the end of the internet. You've been to every page. No other options exist. Thankfully, someone creates a new page every day. There are so many films that I haven't seen- I am not claiming that I have seen everything. Hell, I just recently watched Pulp Fiction for the first time! No, I have so many to go. But the realization that I am a film lover means that I know that I am ready to watch them. All of them.

Post-Portfolio Day

Well, after a third completely atrocious Portfolio Day for me, I just wanted to let you guys know that I will not be posting my portfolio here for you guys to see. (I may post one or two little things from it, and I hope you guys will be okay with that.) I don't want to look at it. I don't like it. I'm not wallowing in self pity, or anything. I just need to look forward now, not back.
I know I can do this. I'm not sure what "this" IS... but I hope to find out.


I will actually make one quick confession. I miss drawing. I miss drawing for FUN! I miss drawing just because I WANT TO! I hate all the drawings I make ~for~ something (portfolios, films, etc.). I hope to start drawing for fun again soon. And THAT stuff, I will post.

Vignettes

Two little presents for you sweet followers (albeit as silent as you all are!) of my blog. Some vignettes from my portfolio.


Small Knot


Suspended Humor